I'll Surrender When A Predacon Crawls Out Of My Aft!
by Nexia Jazilynn Prime
Summary: When Optimus and Megatron, followed by their armies, meet on the battlefield, Optimus gives Megatron a chance to surrender. Does Megatron? Of course not! Instead, he says the one thing that results in lots of pain for him and plenty of laughs for the Autobots... if they had been watching that is. Mostly Meagtron and Optimus interaction, some Soundwave and Starscream. No slash.


This story is what happens when my muse spends the night locked in a wine factory... she goes completely nuts. My muse went a little wild here... okay really wild. She sorta took an idea from Bruce Almighty and applied it to Transformers. I just can't believe how funny it turned out... read this to my brother and a friend and they were laughing their afts off. Hope you readers enjoy this!

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Megatron and Optimus Prime stood staring at each other, the forces of their armies standing behind them. Behind Megatron stood what remained of his Vehicon army, Shockwave, Soundwave, Knockout, Starscream, Airachnid, and Predaking. Behind Optimus stood Arcee, Bumblebee, Bulkhead, Wheeljack, and Ultra Magnus. Both Cybertronian factions glared at each other, ready to attack at a moment's notice.

"It's over Megatron. Surrender." Optimus spoke.

Megatron's gaze darkened and he gave a haughty laugh.

"Over? This is far from over Optimus. I won't stop until I have resurrected Cybertron and conquer that pathetic organic planet you protect. And surrender to you Optimus Prime? That will happen when a Predacon crawls out of my aft!"

An amused glint passed through Optimus' optics and he chanced a glance back at the rest of the Autobots, who shrugged.

"He's the one who said it…" Wheeljack muttered softly while Bulkhead nodded a tiny bit in agreement, making Optimus shrug and look at Megatron.

"Are you sure that's how you want it Megatron?" Optimus asked, and Megatron glared darkly.

"There's a better likelihood of an entire army of Predacons crawling out of my aft then there is of me EVER surrendering to you Optimus Prime!"

Optimus sighed and shrugged before snapping his digits.

"Then just remember that you're the one that asked for this…" Optimus said softly, making all of the Decepticons look at the Prime with puzzlement, especially when he turned away.

"Ratchet, we need a ground bridge."

"Where the frag do you think you're…" Megatron started to snarl as a ground bridge opened in front of the Prime, but he stopped short and his faceplates twisted into a pained expression. Optimus looked back at Megatron as the other Autobots walked through the ground bridge.

"We're going back to our base. Soundwave, contact us when Megatron is ready to talk over terms of surrender." Optimus said before walking through the ground bridge, which closed behind him.

"Like pits that will ever…" Megatron started to snarl, but then he gave a grunt and just barely managed to stop himself from dropping to his knees. Soundwave quickly moved to his side.

"Query: Is something wrong?" the CO asked and Megatron gave another grunt of pain before his optics widened. The sound of shredding metal made all of the Decepticons look at Megatron and many of them winced at what they saw, although one's optics widened with joy – a Predacon was tearing its way out of Megatron's aft.

"Soundwave: Will start working on terms of surrender." Soundwave said as Megatron gave a low groan of pain and both the CO and Shockwave lifted the Decepticon Leader to his pedes before Soundwave opened a ground bridge back to the Nemesis. Starscream looked at the rest of the Decepticon army as Predaking picked up the young Predacon that had torn its way out of Megatron's aft.

"Alright, everybot back to the Nemesis…" he sighed before looking at Soundwave. "And I guess I'll help you with those terms of surrender."

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Review please! Tell me if you liked this or not... there might be a possible sequel. Not sure yet. My muse is already brainstorming possible things that could happen next, but I'm not sure if she'll actually turn any of it into a story.


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